KHAMZOOL, RHYCHOUS & AaHOLEY

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(aka… You, Your Saint & Your Devil) #ShortStory
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He walked down the street consumed by the thought singly ravaging his mind in the last three days. Why are women like that, he queried his already confused brain, distressing his fatigued mind even further. Haba!
Must everything be complicated in life? Can’t ‘A’ be left as a simple A? Why must someone insist it has to be called Alpha? He hissed out loud with frustration. Still lost in deep thoughts, he subconsciously avoided a boulder that has somehow found itself on the pedestrian walkway.
Before he could give that another worrying thought, his phone rang. As he lifted it to his left ear and said a querying “Hello?”, dead silence greeted his expectation. He looked at the device’s screen with squinted eyes, in response to the sun glare and realized it was a ‘Flash’.
“Ikon Allah!” he exclaimed audibly only to himself, but finished his reaction with “So, there are still people who ‘flash’ in this time and era?” His annoyance visibly registering on his handsome, light in complexion face. Another babe wants him to call? Mata!
Why are so many girls interested in him, he wondered? Could it because of his father’s wealth or his mother’s family background? Okay, agreed he is tall, well built and intelligent. Clothes look good on him too, so much so that some of his friends keep suggesting he should try modeling.
Image result for adamu a zango“Hahahahaha” he laughed silently to himself. His father would never hear of that. All he wanted him to do and become was study Business Administration, graduate from the university and be made a director in several of the father’s many companies. Abbati shouldn’t bother about that, after all akwai su Lamirah, Abraaja and Tumsia to do that for him.
But that is far from his own dreams and ambition. Yes, he wants to get educated and very well too for that matter, but not to end up running companies like his dad is doing, a’ah. What he wants to do is to design and build buildings that are out of this world in uniqueness. He wants to make things better and he sees no better way than to study how.
That is why he refused to study arts or commercial subjects at secondary school level, but ended up in sciences class. Fine, at least with his mother’s support, his father had succumbed to his wish. Now, he is studying architecture. A smile turned into a grin on his pleased face. “I’ll make my own money, in sha Allaah” he silently said with hope and confidence.
His phone rang once again, but this time it was persistent. So he lifted it to his ear after checking to see who was calling. It was the same chic who flashed him a moment ago. Before he could say “Hello” the girl started talking “Khamzool, haba Khamzool. Me ya sa ka ke yi min wulaqanci ne? Yaya za’a yi in ce ka kirani amma kawai sai ka share ni?” she said sounding hurt.
He listened, one of his good traits. After letting her finish her complains, he calmly replied her with “Where are you?” “At home” was her prompt response. “Can I come and see you, I mean like, right about now?” he said with all confidence. “Of course yes. You know both Hajia and Alhaji wouldn’t mind your presence in our house.” “Fine then. I’m on my way” he said and cut the call.
As he was putting the phone back in his pocket, it suddenly rang again. He answered off-mindedly and heard Zimbiatoo excitedly apologizing “Sorry, sorry please don’t hang up. Are you coming now, nobody’s at home fa. I’m all alone” Hmm, he thought to himself. “Should I or shouldn’t I?” One voice in his mind said “Go for the kill man. That girl’s been wanting for this for God knows how long!”
Suddenly another voice countered “No, no, no. That’s not going to happen Khamzool.” But the first voice interjected “Yes, it is! Kham man, don’t mind this spoil-sport. He’s such a wet blanket all the time. Let’s go visit and size her up. After all, what have we got to loose? She wants it, she’s gonna get it! If you are not interested, stay here till we get back.” he fired back at the second voice in a smirk.

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“As if that’s possible!” the second voice said calmly. “So long as I’m going to be there with you guys, I’ll not just sit by and let you and Khamzool dirty my purity. The stain from the last time you made him indulge in such a vice is yet to come off my aura, as hard as I’ve tried. So, this time around it’s going to be a no, no.”
“Aha! That’s exactly what we are talking about here. Surely “It’s a Nono” to quote you and we are gonna grab ourselves some handful of it. Especially of this subliminal babe. Good Lord, I’m so, so can’t wait to lay my hands on her voluptuousness pinkies. Come Kham, please don’t say ‘No’ to this. It’s an easy kill. My ten fingers are up for a vote count!”
“Add your toes to that ten fingers, Khamzool is not going to do that for you! Not this time around. Come, why are you always wanting him to do bad things? Can’t you for once help him obey his Lord. ‘Do not go near unlawful sexual intercourse’ is God’s injunction upon him, and as a Muslim, it is binding upon him to prove himself true in his profession of that faith”
“Guys, guys calm down please” Khamzool heard himself intervening between the raging argument. “Look Rhychous, nothing like what you are saying is going to happen, ok? So stop worrying or preaching and all that. I’ve made a decision to go and tell her off once and for all. That’s why I was impromptu about asking where she was, ok?” he assured.
“And you, isn’t there any iota of good in you except to suggest I indulge in forbidden things? ‘Kham I want me some beer.’ ‘Can we go to the dance club, there’s a birthday bash happening there tonight?’ ‘Kham, Kham… look at that girl’s boobs. Bobs, wouldn’t mind a handful’ and so on. Now, you want us to go and do Zimbiatoo, right? Wish I can leave you right here!”
“Hehehehehe, well you can’t. And I can see you’re beginning to take sides here. So, Rud’ious is gaining grounds in your heart, ko? That’s so, so unjust of you! Anyway, I wonder how you’ll carry such maltreatment of me on your conscience? Can’t I sincerely say my piece of mind? I’m not like him, pretending he’s not into having some fun all the time! Acting guiltless. Wai shi holier than thou!” He stressfully hissed.

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“My name is Rhychous not Rud’ious. And I’ll not call you with mean or any evil nickname, for I’m indeed not like you, Aaholey” his co-tenant said in a composed manner. “We are saddled together in this places as co-residents. I don’t know why, but I’m going to be ever patient in bearing this trial of living with you. But given a choice?… Hmmn.” he concluded.
“Ok, ok guys keep it down and please don’t be speaking in tongues to both of you. Come, I’ve made a promise and don’t want to fail in fulfilling it. We get there, waste no time, tell her not to ever bother calling or contacting me again. After all nothing has happened between us before. So this is going to be very easy, ok? Aaholey, no pranks and don’t you dare whisper in my ears while we are there.” Khamzool sternly warned his evil personality within.
“So, I get the warning, right? How about him, won’t you warn him as well? You’re becoming bolder and bolder in displaying your injustice! Every time it is I, Aaholey that gets threatened. Come, what can you guys do to me ne? I have equal rights as both of you in this project, kun ji ko! Must I be like you guys? I hate being here with you too as well. Aikin banza kawai!” Aaholey blurted out.
“Mind your language please.” Rhychous cautioned his mind-dwelling mate “We’ve arrived at Zimbiatoo’s House. Remember, don’t say a word. Whether out loud or in a whisper.” Aaholey looked menacingly at his opposite. “And what will you do if I should scream or whisper?” he asked menacingly in the softest, barely audible whisper ever possible.
“Shhhh…” Rhychous placed his right index finger on his lips, warning the other with a stern look in his eyes. “Hehehehe, oooh I’m so, so scared. Do that again please, perhaps it’ll have some terrifying effect this time around!” he screamed on top of his voice. “Nonsense! How dare you tell me to ‘Shhhh’! Are you insanely lunatic?!
“Hello Zimbiatoo. I’m here in front of your house. Kindly tell your maiguard to let me in please ” Khamzool said into his handset once his call connected and was picked. “Ok, ok one minute…” he heard her say excitedly. And moments later, the gate of the house rolled open and he was allowed into the spacious compound.
“Assalam alaikum, don Allah na zo wajen Zimbiatoo ne” he greeted the elderly gateman. “Daga ina ke nan? In ce in ji wa?” he was asked where he came from. “Mun yi waya da ita, don haka ta san ko wanene. Ta ma san da zuwa na” he replied that she was expecting him. And so the old man walked off briskly, demonstrating that he was still very agile. Clearly, he must be an old soldier.
Related imageSoon the old man returned to permit Khamzool access the beautiful masterpiece of a duplex, set in a well landscaped, vast plot of land. Variety of birds can be heard singing and some peacocks and even an antelope or two, he could see minding their business unfenced in the sprawling compound. “Well, well, well…” he said quietly to himself, impressed as he pressed the doorbell.
Zimbiatoo opened the door wide, even before the bell could conclude its chime. “Welcome…” she said to him in the most subtle of voices, almost a whisper, taking a slight bow before him to reveal her exposed cleavage. “Finally, you’ve come to our house. Lale, marhabun. You’re most welcome. What a pleasant surprise” she uttered trying to catch her breathe.
It was obvious she was overwhelmed with his presence before her, just like he was also taken aback by her sheer beauty and the regal pose she deliberately struck to mesmerize him. Seduction is the most appropriate word to use for the scenario.
“Wow!” was all Aaholey could hear himself say as his eyes almost popped out of their sockets, absorbing in every single details of the sensuous queen that stood before them. “Lower your gaze. Lower your gaze Khamzool! Ya SubhanalLaah! Don’t go into the house! Remember, she’s all alone. Please, don’t venture in there.” was all Rhychous could say.
But too late, Khamzool took that fatal step into the massive, stupendously and lavishly decorated interior. Impressed, but not fazed he walked behind her as she led him to one of the three sitting arrangements in the huge living room. He sat on one of the settees, lemon green in colour and made of the softest material one could imagine.
Soon a maid came forth from an auto-sliding mirrored glass door and placed a tray full of exotic snacks and drinks on a center table that was sitting almost supportless before him. “Kai! Even the maid is more beautiful than most of the finalists at international beauty pageants” Aaholey whispered to his boss, forgetting completely the warning issued him before they arrived.
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“What would you like to drink or eat, this?” as she pointed at the variety of fast food just brought in by the maid “Or that?” pointing at the grand cuisine meal set on a table fit only for kings and queens. “Come…” she grabbed his left hand and pulled him gently towards the table a few feet away from them.
He allowed her charm to dictate to him where to flow to and what to do. She picked a ripe, succulent, purple grape from a bunch and playfully inserted it in his mouth. He chew on it, savoring its fleshy, sweetness. So sweet, so juicy it was obviously imported from another world or so he thought. “Look, I prepared your favorite traditional dish. Burabusko da taushe” she announced in a smile.
That clearly seemed to be the last thing on his mind, food. “Who wants to eat food in my circumstance.” Khamzool thought to himself “Ahto! Sai ka ce wanda yunwar ina ne ma ta koro shi” Aaholey was quick to respond. “Besides, how did she know you like Biski da miyar taushe? Almuras, she’s been ‘googling’ about you” He whispered to Khamzool, who wasn’t listening.
The smell of man shanu was thrilling to the nose as the assorted meats of different kinds, prepared in various forms almost made Aaholey loss focus of what he was rooting for his companion to do, “waste” the bae before them. “Gladly, Kham has remained focused” he thought to himself. “Ashe ya fi ni son a in, na ke 6ata lokaci na ina zuga shi” (Hehehehe) he giggled.

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“I’m not actually hungry” he managed to inform his enchanting hostess “And how did you know I love Brabusko da tantakwashi da man shanu?” “…as well as your favourite coconut milk drink?” Zimbiatoo concluded his question for him, laughing so gaily at his surprise. “You ain’t seen nothing yet. Just sit and have a taste, then you’ll know how much I’ve been digging about you”
Meanwhile, Rhychous has gone all red in the face with rage. But, rather than give up and watch, he made efforts to call Khamzool to order. “Remember what the Rasool said O Khamzool. Do not isolate yourself with a woman, else the third party would be the Devil himself. So make haste, say what you want to say and let’s get out of here. Please!”
Zimbiatoo looking like a delicate flower, dressed in a soft cream flowing gown to accentuate her height and figure, like a she-spider quickly left no stone unturned to ensure her prey was fully entangled. She sat by his side making sure the whiff of her intoxicating, enchanting perfume embraced her guest to full surrender.
“You are so quiet. No words to say to me?” smiling so provocatively, she said to him in a whisper. He raised his gaze, looking at her straight in the eyes he said “Well, you took me off guard. I wasn’t expecting you’ll take all this trouble to look so ravishing. Actually, I came to….” she cut him short by placing a chill drink it has hand. “Shhhh…” she whispered off his words.
“Hahahahaha!” Aaholey laughed out loud and said “Warn her not to talk to him in whispers like you were threatening me Mr. Righteous Rhychous! Go on!” he mocked his co-adviser. “Fact is, I can just sit back, relax and obey orders. This beau can sure teach the devil how to subdue any man. She is a sure banker. You boss is in deep sh*t trouble here and I’m all in for it!”
Rhychous looked helpless as he watched Khamzool’s defenses deteriorate and crumble by the minute. Kai! All alarms have turned red! There is no way he can ever resist her charm. O Allaah, which is the way out of this, he lamented to himself. And so without realizing it, he went into invocations and supplications.  The soul assigned to his watch was doomed to succumb.
Soon she was certain her hooks have sunk deep and were firmly secured. So she invited him to her room upstairs, there was something very important she wanted to show him she said. Without a single ounce of resistance Khamzool got up, taking his drink-refilled glass he followed her as she led him towards the winding staircase.

Just then the entrance door opened and her mother and father busted into the living room from outside. “Assalam alaikum” the parents said in unison. “O you have a guest? Don’t tell me it’s Khamzool?” her mother exclaimed. “Alhaji look, it’s Khamzool son of Alhaji Attahir Kawaici. Yau a gidan na mu? I can see you are here to visit your wife, right? That’s very caring of you”
Zimbiatoo looked at him with that ‘I told you so’ look and said “Wa alaikassalam. Hajia you are back already. What happened?” she rush over and hugged her mum real close and tight. “Baba sannunku da dawowa.” she hugged the father very briefly too. “Yauwa mama. Ke da Khamzool ne? How’s your dad young man? Is he back from his last business trip yet?”
“Sannunku da zuwa Hajia, Alhaji.” He greeted both of them and continued “No, he’s still abroad ranka shi dade. He called home this morning. How’s your trip, Sir?” he respectfully asked. “No, we couldn’t make it to the airport on time and so we missed our flight. Thank God I wasn’t actually in the mood for the journey. Tomorrow is another day, we will leave early.”
Rhychous was all smiles as relief showed all over him. He looked at Aaholey who was so disappointed his face had turned from red to black from anger at the returning folks. They have sure truncated what he hoped would have been a smooth ride home. As his eyes and Rhychous’s connected, his co-sojourner made the tongue out expression at him teasingly, mockingly.
“Hey! So what are guys doing down stairs. Now, that we are here I’m sure you guys will need some privacy to talk things out without any interference. So, hop along upstairs then and conclude your meeting. Don’t mind our presence ok?” Her mother offered. Aaholey mood suddenly cheered up. Aha! He turned jubilantly, clenching his fist in a triumphant punch before him, dancing with joy. This time around returning the tongue out gesture to Rhychous.
“No, actually we are through. I was just leaving Hajia. Zimbiatoo was seeing me off, when you and Alhaji came in. Thank you so much for you kind hospitality. I’ll tell Ummata you send her your warmest greetings.” Khamzool heard himself making an excuse. “It’s a pleasure meeting you ma’am.” he politely walked off towards the entrance as Zimbiatoo trailed after him with her shoulders shrugged, obviously disappointed at the way things had turn out.
Related image“Well, that was a close shave” said Aaholey in a better frame of mind. “Yes, that was indeed a close one. But, I am sure nothing like you were wishing would have happened” Rhychous said his confidence and composure returning. “Hahahahaha! Tell that to the birds. Kham was saved by the skin of his teeth! That’s my last word on that” Aaholey said playfully and move off. “Oho dai… Whatever. At least he’s saved from that trap and you are denied” Rhychous concluded, utterly relieved.
“Not to worry. You win some, you lose some.” Aaholey said, seemingly unperturbed. “There’s always a next time. One for you, one for me. Fair enough. Just make sure this doesn’t ever happen while you are asleep. Dazz’ol.”
“Not while, we are here together. You and I.” His Khamzool’s inner voices partner replied with renewed confidence.
*** End ***
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